Life Without Plotlines

"M thinks you're 'fake.'"

Her voice cut through my haze. I had already spent an ungodly amount of time trying to turn J's Transformer back into a Mustang GT, and I was still failing miserably. He sat patiently next to me with his baby brother, both of them watching movie clips on my phone. I chewed on her words for a minute, trying to make sense of them.

"Like how?" I finally asked, not particularly caring at that moment.

"Well she says that you act like you're such a great mom in your blog and online, but that when she's seen you the past few times with your kids, you've been distant and tired, and that sometimes you even lose your temper and raise your voice at them."

My friend braced herself as if hoping for an explanation that would blow her mind. One that wouldn't force her to her knees moaning, "Say it ain't so, D! Prove that you're the perfect mom and this isn't all just a ruse!"

But that was just the thing. I have NEVER said I am a perfect parent. I'm not. All I've ever said, and all I will continue to say, is that I love my kids. To the moon and back.

"Well, that's the thing about life, I guess," I shrugged. "It doesn't cut from plotline to plotline or climax to climax. In between all of the revelations and curveballs are normal days. On normal days, I AM tired and can be distant. On normal days, I DO lose my temper and raise my voice or discipline my children. That's how life works. On normal days, I'm plunging Dixie cups out of the toilet (Thank you, C) or glueing seashells into a diorama or staring into the fridge trying to figure out how to conjure a quasi-sensible dinner out of practically nothing. But that doesn't mean I'm not a good mom. But I guess that's her point. It doesn't prove I'm perfect either. I'm sorry if I've ever misrepresented myself."

My friend stared at me thoughtfully. The conversation ended there, just as bizarrely as it had begun.

It got me to (AGAIN) lamenting over why I even journal some of my deepest, darkest thoughts on my blog or share my life with friends via social networking. On one hand, the Internet opens doors to information and support systems that our own parents couldn't even fathom. But on the other hand, it opens the floodgates for naysayers, trolls and self-righteous readers who truly can't see the forest for the trees. But it's not really their fault. They don't KNOW you. No matter what you write, they don't really KNOW you. And thanks to the general anonymity of the Internet, they never will.

But the person who denounced me as "fake?" Well, she is someone who considers herself my friend. Not just an acquaintance either. This "friend" knows that the past 3 months or so have thrown all manner of curveballs at me that I cannot share publicly out of respect for my family and friends. She knows EXACTLY why I'm tired and distant. I have chosen (surprisingly) to keep certain things very private as of late. Yet she doubts my sincerity as a mother because I'm not Mary EFFING Poppins each and every time she sees me?

I struggled with what to do next. Do I call and remind her that, on top of recent trials, I parent predominantly ALONE? AND work full-time? AND try to have a life as an individual? I mean, has she not MET my toddler? I love him more than life, but the kid wears me out.

I am a human being. I rise with the sun and sleep with moon just like she does.

It is/was disheartening. But ultimately not disheartening enough for me to call her up and reem her out for gossiping, or to even bother explaining myself to her. Certainly not disheartening enough to frighten me from continuing to write...Part of the reason I am a good parent is because I DO write. And while, AGAIN, I am NOT a perfect parent, you can bet your ass I'm a darn good one.

So here's where I recite one of my many mantras: "You raise your kids, and let me raise mine."

Life is not just peaks and valleys. There are an abundance of plateaus along the way where I'm not cooing or cuddling or running through the sunflowers with my children, but rather, just getting us through our day the BEST THAT I CAN.

If you want minute-to-minute drama, comedy, romance and action, might I suggest Netflix.

And we'll all live ORDINARILY ever after.